Marriage on a Tightrope: 119: The Baptisms

Listening to this was very cathartic.

As the baptism of my first child approached, I was still fresh having stopped believing and I was often angry at anything to do with the Church. I viewed the baptism dilemma in this way: Be cut out of a monumental right of passage for my child, or compromise my integrity.

It was suggested that I create a separate event for my son that would be a sort of substitute for me not participating in the baptism. Though I followed this advice and shared a memorable experience with my son, it did not completely resolve my objections to the baptism. A Mormon baptism is a community celebration, and as I interpreted the situation, the Church would not let me stand in a position that would allow my community to see me as a loving, devoted father. So I did what Allan did and volunteered to give the Holy Ghost talk.

My experience was also similar to Allan’s. I didn’t say the word “Holy Ghost.” I talked about what my son must be feeling, how he could learn to listen to those feelings, and I expressed my love for him. And after the service my believing sister remarked that my talk made no mention of the Holy Ghost.

I took it one step further and commandeered the luncheon (my in-laws don’t have a strong culinary tradition). So in the end I believe I wrote myself into the event in a memorable way: It was the baptism where the Holy Ghost speaker failed to name the Holy Ghost and the food was off the chain.

My next child will be 8 next year. Though I still have some resentment, I’ve calmed down a lot since last year. I’ve also come to realize that I essentially usurped the role my wife would have played in my son’s baptism; the role most Mormon women have played for decades but without the childish behavior I exhibited.

Thank you for the podcast and sharing your story.